Winning a man for Christ is one of the modern-day miracles, considering the many habits such as drinking, smoking, gambling, et cetera, that are so prevalent in our day. It takes real effort combined with much prayer, personal work, and persuasion to approach men, win them to the Christian way of life, get them to accept it, and then have them stay by it.
The task of working for the men who are just outside our church family can be the most gratifying experience a worker can engage in. To see a man take his rightful place as priest in his home, to see the joy it brings to his companion and children, is worth all the effort one might expend in his behalf.
In approaching a husband whose wife is a member of your congregation, it is wise to maintain an informal, friendly attitude, never letting the man know that his wife has asked the pastor to talk with him about joining the church. This, of course, is the husband's first suspicion, and one must guard against it, since he is usually on the defensive. All during the wife's experience in the church she has been praying for her husband. In many cases she has not been too positive in her stand, not always manifesting enough faith to have her husband step out and take his stand for the message when his job was involved.
There is the experience of the Adventist sister who had prayed many years for her husband to join the church along with her. One Sabbath morning he came downstairs dressed in his best clothes. When the wife asked what he planned to do, he told her that he had decided to keep the Sabbath and was going to church with her that very morning, regardless of his job.
She looked rather shocked and replied, "But do you think we can afford it?" Then it was his turn to look at her in amazement. He promptly turned on his heel, climbed the stairs, took off his best suit, donned his working clothes, left the house for work, and has never even listened to his wife's pleas from that day to this.
Four Essential Steps
The first step in working for an unbelieving husband is to have a heart-to-heart talk with his wife, making sure that she is in earnest about her husband's conversion, that she wants it more than anything else in the world, and that she is willing to sacrifice, if need be, in order to encourage him. She must be willing to live a consistent, Christ-centered daily life in the home, and join the other women who are praying for their husbands at a specified time each day.
Usually husbands have a way of knowing about activities at the church their wives attend, so an excellent way to win their 0confidence is to visit in the home or at a social gathering, and seek their counsel regarding certain matters that they may know something about or in which they are interested.
One man took a great deal of delight, whenever a new minister came to the church, in making the remark that he guessed he would have to let the preacher know pretty soon that he wasn't going to join the church, and that he might as well leave him alone. Fortunately, I heard about his attitude and was on guard. His wife taught the church school, and both of his boys attended the school.. When I met him for the first time I was very cautious in my conversation. We parted good friends. The next time I saw him I was again very careful. In the meantime, his wife approached me and asked me to try to do something for her husband. It was then that I told her my plan. She was happy to cooperate, for we were working for her husband already, but the secret lay in the fact that he did not know it.
The school required some repairs, the lawn had to be sodded, and sidewalks were needed. When I saw him again, I asked him to come over to the school with me as I desired some counsel. He was happy to join me there, and we discussed the work that needed to be done. He not only gave me counsel, but readily joined our forces when we began work around the school. His wife taught there, his boys attended there, he lived across the street, and he wanted it to be a representative school in the neighborhood.
Later on he began studies in an effort to understand what his wife and boys believed. As a result he was baptized and is now a deacon in the church. A happier man you never saw!
If a man is a painter, talk to him about the kind of paint he would recommend for the church the next time it is painted. If he is a heating man, talk to him about heating the church. If he is a floor man, talk with him about refinishing the floors. Try to win his confidence and friendship by talking with him about something in which he is already interested.
Another man was very much interested in producing minstrel shows, amateur shows, and the like. He had done it all his life. It was a real hobby with him. He could see no harm in having a good laugh and some fun. In order to interest him in our program, we asked him to work on a committee with some folks in the church who were planning a church picnic and social. He was happy to do this, enjoyed it very much, and was able to contribute some good ideas. He is now a baptized member and is in charge of all our social , activities, with the Adventist slant, of course.
In most cases when there goes out a call for volunteers to help in some remodeling project in the church, many of these men will respond even though they are not members.
Most men are wary of ministers. They feel that all they can talk about is religion, and, of course, they think themselves not interested in that. It is quite a surprise when a minister can talk to them about fishing, about a tree he has felled, about experiences he has had in traveling, in the army, or elsewhere, about business matters that might interest them. Friendship is a valuable tool in the pastor's hand in winning these men to Christ.
Quite often the man himself will bring up the matter of religion and his wife's peculiar beliefs. If not, the minister can broach the subject to him by saying how much the church appreciates his wife, what a good worker she is, et cetera. Then, in a diplomatic way, he can be asked if he really understands what his wife believes. Wouldn't it be easier for both of them if he understood, not from the standpoint of joining the church, but with the idea of merely learning what she believes? Wouldn't he like to have a few studies in his own home? If Sunday night meetings are being conducted, invite him to attend because you are his friend and would be happy to see him more often. Ask him to come with his wife to make her happy.
During this time the wife is living a consistent, Christ-centered daily life and not in any way nagging her husband. This will do more than any other one thing.
Once studies begin in the home the Word of God will convict and change the heart. Our task is to find an entrance.
Of course, he already knows that he cannot join the church if he smokes, drinks, gambles, or participates in the other vices of the world to which he has been accustomed. He believes, now that he understands, but does not know how to gain the victory over some of these evil habits. He understands now why his body, as well as his soul, must be presented as a "living sacrifice." These evil habits will destroy the temple God has given him.
I have found that smoking is the most common and most difficult habit for men to overcome. For a number of years I have been working a plan that, in practically every instance, has proved to be successful. Insist that the man make a defi. nite decision. "Now is the day of salvation." He must not put it off. Bring him to the final decision in three steps by asking the following questions:
"Do you really want to quit smoking?"
"Yes."
"Do you believe God can take the desire to smoke away from you, and are you willing to let. Him take it away?"
"Yes."
Thus far the answers have been fairly easy. Then the final and most serious question is asked:
"Are you willing to die before you take another smoke?" The answer is usually, Yes. To date I have only had one refusal.
When this question has been answered in the affirmative, I then ask for all the tobacco, cigarettes, pipes, et cetera, that he has in the house, and place them on the table. We then drop to our knees for prayer, giving the habit to God and sealing our covenant with Him. When I leave I take the cigarettes, et cetera, with me and destroy them. This same procedure may be used when a person drinks, gambles, or wears jewelry, adjusting the questions according to the problem involved.
I talk with the wife previous to our meeting for this important decision and counsel her regarding a good balanced diet and other help she can give.
By this time the husband is attending the church services. Make sure that he is kept as busy as possible. His life must be filled with the things of God, else there will be a vacuum, which can do more harm than good. Keeping these men busy in church activities, Bible study, and much prayer are all essential to retaining them in the church once they have begun to attend.
Recently eighteen men have joined their wives in our church. Several of the wives had been praying for more than thirty-five years. We have another large class of men studying, and expect another baptism before the end of the year. When these men are baptized and stand before the church to be received into fellowship the wives are asked to come forward, each one joining her husband, thus uniting their home. This is a very impressive scene and serves a twofold purpose: (1) strengthening the vows that both husband and wife have taken, and (2) creating a longing in the hearts of the other wives present whose husbands are not with them in the message, to have them baptized and united with the church.
This is a wonderful missionary project right at our very doors, which has proved most gratifying and rewarding in the joy it brings when a home is united here and a family starts on its way to the eternal home.
